Pre-departure Update #4: Back to School Blues

Picture this: instead of sitting through syllabus after syllabus, dreadfully entering the lunchroom for the first time, and dealing with jammed lockers, you could sleep in and lay at the pool all day. It seems like any kid’s dream, and I got to live it, but it wasn’t quite what it seemed.

Today, all my friends went back to school. For roughly seven hours, they were unreachable (excluding the times they snuck their phone under a desk). They went to class, walked the hallways in seven-minute increments, and had school lunch. I withdrew from high school, got my computer checked out at Best Buy, and went to work.

Today hit me like a punch to the gut. For the first time in this experience, I got a glimpse of what my friendships would look like when I moved to Germany. Even after just one day, everyone was buzzing with news. They wanted to discuss new teachers, the hottest drama, and complain about their classes, and for once, I had nothing to contribute. Feeling disconnected from your friends' lives is difficult, so I need to construct new connections with them.

There was one particular moment when I had the urge to forget all of this and quit. I got a PowerSchool notification alerting me I was documented as an Unexcused Absence, so I checked the app. There I found my sophomore year schedule, and my heart broke a little bit. It was perfect. I had all the classes I wanted; I had lunches with my friends; I got the best teachers. I thought, “I could always just stay." But I can’t. Staying here in good ole Indiana would be okay, but my future deserves a lot more than “okay." Moving to Germany will be difficult, but I have no doubt it will be a beautiful journey.

Overall, today was hard, but I know it will get easier. I also know that I need to leave, no matter how easy it would be to stay. Sorry this was a sappy post, I promise happier ones are coming.

Xoxo,

Bookish Babble