Homesickness

I thought that the physical act of leaving would be the hardest aspect of homesickness. I compared saying goodbyes and getting on the plane to ripping a bandaid off, but I was wrong.

The pure adrenaline and excitement of my new adventure made leaving easier. The newness of living in a foreign country has dulled the homesickness.

Although, when I woke up this morning, it hit me like a brick wall. Last night was a hard night. I watched Gilmore Girls with my host sister, and every time Lorelai and Rory hugged, I got a little teary-eyed. I really, really miss my mom. I might not be able to watch Gilmore Girls again until after I’m back home.

Then, I called a friend, and instead of making me feel better, it made me feel weird and distant. I feel removed from their lives. I know this feeling will get better as I make friends in Deutschland, but right now, it is hard.

After a rough night, I thought sleeping it off would do the trick. But honestly, I still really want a hug from my mom and some normalcy. I woke up and remembered all of the little things. My friend who hasn’t been texting back; how hard language school has been; the fact I won’t be home for Christmas. It’s a lot. So, I cried at 7:30 on Saturday morning.

Even though it doesn’t feel good, this feeling is normal. I’m working on acknowledging this feeling, addressing it, and mindfully carrying on. Instead of holing up in my bedroom and watching Netflix, I’m talking about how I feel, even if it’s just to my laptop. Then, I will hang out with my host family and soak up every minute of this opportunity.

Overall, it’s okay to feel homesick, but it isn’t healthy to dwell on it. I know this post is a little raw, but I think being honest about this kind of thing is so important. Homesickness and happiness are the reality of studying abroad. It’s the coolest, most awesome thing ever, but it can also be scary and hard.